Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Frustration and Bursts of Optimism

This is neither a forum for me to rant nor to share any extremely personal stories. I just wanted to share stories with those of you back home who were willing to read my take on what it's like to live in China. Because I've wanted to keep it all positive I don't post when I'm feeling frustrated. That's going to change.

It's only been 3 1/2 months but already I'm finding that life here can be hard. Maybe I don't have to worry about some things like a car note and insurance but there are still pressures from without and from within. It can be extremely hard to find balance.

Many of the foreigners I have met have come here to China in order to improve their Chinese language skills. Most, however, find that they work so much that they never have time to study Chinese or they study Chinese and have to struggle to pay their bills. I'm in the latter group. I have yet to find anyone who has been able to balance both. Add to that the injustices of today and the uncertainties of tomorrow and you would have to have superhuman strength not to succumb to the occasional bouts of discouragement and/or frustration.

After facing rejections, inconveniences, slights, prejudices, etc. I stay content and more than happy with the decision to move here by finding reasons to smile. This week my reasons are:
  1. the older Chinese man I met in the park who wrote me a note telling me that because I said "早上好" to him and his friends that meant that I was Chinese just like them;
  2. the fact that I could read the note that the older Chinese man I met in the park wrote to me;
  3. my 6 year old student telling me he loves me and giving me a hug;
  4. making new friends;
  5. my classes;
  6. my teachers;
  7. setting and reaching new goals;
  8. supportive family and friends;
  9. HOPE
等等等

There is so much to be happy about.

"We have joy, inner peace, and contentment that is rare." - my peeps

13 comments:

Frank said...

I am sorry that you have to face those things that get you frustrated but it is nice to hear that you find the positives none the less. Life in China can be hard, but it is also very rewarding. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.

Sally Chen said...

consider moving to metropolitan areas like shanghai and beijing :)

Disney said...

Sally,

I did consider it. You know though that despite the inconveniences I do like it here very much.

-the kids said...

Now I have a little tune about joy stuck in my head. : D Uncertainties make you rely, and reliance makes you stronger. ; )

..and now and in the future what an asset you'll be, you native sounding Chinese speaker! You'll be taken care of. : )

Bianca said...

I am sorry you have to face things like that, but I am also glad and appreciative at you sharing them with us-your peeps. It's impossible not to get sad or frustrated with life sometimes especially with everything going on. Your feelings and frustrations are real and you deserve to voice them. So thanks for being honest and real as usual and know that you are not alone:) You are being looked after by your new friends and others.

P.S. hope to see u maybe this summer :)

Bianca

mandachino said...

I feel you pain, glad to see you making a list of positives. I brought a journal along for that purpose but it lies empty. You have encouraged me to start filling it. I find that taking a break from the norm, going to a park, leaving the city helps me but there is a weight here that we didn't have in the states. You are not alone! Do you remember the story about the man who gave so much that he recieved a fine measure, overflowing? It will come and just when you need it. Love you!
mandachino

Disney said...

Thanks guys! Honest to goodness you guys are just awesome with the encouragement.

So, B, you coming to China?

Jeff and Meli said...

Hey Girl this is Jeff and Melissa in Bangkok Thailand we know how you feel too.You need a place to chill and relax. come visit us here in the land of smiles you always have a place to stay. What you need is some beach time. Ask the Bruces

Anonymous said...

I am glad that you are trying to focus on the positives. We are thinking of you and you will be rewarded for your preseverance and efforts. :-)

N from the ATL

Disney said...

I'm Thailand bound! :-)

Bianca said...

You never know? I guess i should at least get a passport just in case, huh:) ...That list of positives sounds like a good deal-will try it, especially when you are having just a crappy day.

Miss ya hon- B

P.S.-- and i have a few stories to tell! :-) hope I don't forget before you get back...Then again, I may have others by then! :)

you don't have to post the ps part if you don't want to :)

Ms Marie said...

With each passing day I know JG will make that list of reasons easier to fill and we'll all keep sending you support be it in person, via the web, or other ways.

Anonymous said...

Hey sis...I think its great that you are going to share both the good and the bad of your experiences with us. It will be good for you to to get it off your chest...and good for us so we can better encourage you! That being said keep looking at things through your positive filter remember all you are doing to help others will never go unnoticed. You have touched more lives than you will ever know! We love you!

On a lighter note, how are things with your hair? Are you taking care of it yourself? I am sitting here in the shop and Gracie, Miss Bessie all say hello!!!!!